Friendliness Is Not Trust
“The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.” Proverbs 14:15
I’m learning that I open the door too fast. If someone seems warm, Christian, in AA, interested, helpful, or just easy to talk to, I can start treating that as trust before trust has actually been earned. That has cost me. I share too much too early. I talk about the book, AI, faith, work, plans, ideas, and personal stuff. Then, later, when the person turns cold, distant, inconsistent, or walks away, it hits harder than it should because, in my head, there was already a relationship there.
I don’t think the answer is to become cold. I don’t want to be bitter, cynical, or shut down. But I do need to stop handing people full access just because they seem safe in the moment. Shared faith does not automatically mean maturity. AA does not automatically mean emotional safety. A friendly coworker does not automatically mean a friend. Kindness and trust are not the same thing.
So maybe the lesson is simple: be warm, but slower. Be kind, but more discerning. Everybody does not get front-row access. Some people belong in the inner circle. Some are just work friends. Some are professional-only. Some stay in the observation bucket for a long time. That includes Christians, AA people, coworkers, sponsors, mentors, and anyone else who seems trustworthy too quickly.
“Wise as serpents and innocent as doves” makes sense to me now. I don’t want to lose the dove part, the part that is open, sincere, and willing to care. But I need the serpent part too: wisdom, patience, caution, and the ability to watch people over time. Guarding my heart does not mean building a wall. It means not giving the keys to people who have not earned them.